How is it some people can just make a decision for something and just go for it, complete it, and shine? Or is that just what we see? Do they also struggle with 'can I do it?', 'will it matter?', 'is this just a yo-yo or can I make actual permanent changes?' that tend to paralyze me?
I can call it what I want to, give it some fluffy name so I feel better about sitting on the couch not doing anything, but the truth is I lack confidence. I lack confidence in myself to actually do the work. I lack confidence that I can make long term changes. I lack confidence that it will even matter. I lack confidence that anyone will notice and I won't hear any 'atta girl's.
However, I am learning. I am learning that I don't NEED confidence in the long term. I don't NEED confidence in anyone noticing and hearing affirmations from outside sources. I don't NEED confidence of me doing the work every day.
I have learned on very long hikes, and some very long workouts, that if I look at the end, I freeze. However if I look at the moment now. Now where I can make a choice. Now where I take each step for what it is: A VITAL PART OF THE JOURNEY!
I have confidence in choosing water over soda a choice at a time. Not forever, not tomorrow. I have confidence in today!. I have confidence in choosing to pack my lunch instead of going for a baconator, large fries, and large coke.
If I had stayed constant in my journey, I would not have learned about where my confidence comes from. I would not have learned EXACTLY what it means to die to myself daily and let Christ live through me. I would not have been able to feel the completeness of accepting His new mercies, new chances each glorious morning!
So here I am in what I am calling No-Fault November. We, as women, are so hard on ourselves that this month is going to be about the steps. Not the destination. Not next month, Not next week. Enjoy each step in its own right and every choice is a chance for a do-over!
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